I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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