you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
