Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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