I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
