why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
