thus making me awesome and them whores
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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