we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
