i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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