I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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