break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
