Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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