how can u be prego again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
