Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
