Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she smelled like a LAN party
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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