I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
