But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
