i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
