hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
