R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
