And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
