she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
