WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
