Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
