capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
