Can i not drive my cunt home
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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