just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
