He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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