i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
