hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
