: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
