I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Even my vagina gasped.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
