$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
