My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
