Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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