I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
