I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
