did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
