We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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