sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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