I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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