let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize