i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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