I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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