WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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