umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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