Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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