It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
