i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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