Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
