you traded sex for a burrito?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
