I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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