Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
