I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
