This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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