you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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