This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
