How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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