Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
