Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
high people should be assigned attendants
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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