one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
