He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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