She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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