If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
